The Look of Pain and Fear
by Last Kitsune
Summary: Ever since the day Eren was put on trial for the decision of his fate, Mikasa would never again respect Captain Levi. So she vowed that she'll show Levi the pain that he put Eren through. One day Levi's inexpressive face will be under her boot with pain & fear in his eyes begging for mercy. She finally saw the pain & fear in his eyes, but it wasn't caused by what she swore to do.
1. Chapter 1

Ever since the day Eren was put on trial for the decision of his fate, Mikasa would never again respect Captain Levi. She understood what he did was to save his life, but no other human has put Eren through that much pain and agony. All her respect for this unemotional pig everyone calls a hero, no longer exists. So she vowed that she'll show Levi the pain that he put Eren in. One day Levi's inexpressive face will be under her boot with pain in his eyes begging for mercy. At least that's what she thought until Levi shows a different kind of emotion.

* * *

 **Disclaimers:**

 **I do not own Shingeki no Kyojin /Attack on Titan**

 **Rated-T: Swearing and Violence**

 **Set in Episodes 17-21 / The 57th Expedition 1-5**

 **Chapter I**

Embarking on the 57th Expedition, everything was going as planned, but there was still no sign Eren anywhere, which frustrated the hell out of Mikasa. Even though she knows that they would have Eren in the safest part of the formation, with the Elite Squad; there were still two things that bugged her. For one she wasn't there by his side, and two is that Levi is there with him, which pissed her the fuck off.

Yeah, of course Levi being with Eren made him that much safer, but protecting him or not, for how much of Eren's blood he spilled, she is still going to make him pay with his own.

While deep in her thoughts of anger and revenge, she hardly noticed the flares being shot till she could here the earth shaking herself. Just a few Titans, child's play to her, she flew into the air with her 3DMG, sticking to the Titan's and slicing through their napes one by one. The steam of the defeated Titans filled the air as Mikasa and her group continued on. But something wasn't right. She could feel it in her gut. Then she saw the black flare from the right flank. A variant.

The plan had changed and now the leader of the rookie group has given us a new objective. "Interception" he calls it. The Scouts have all headed toward The Forest of Giant Trees, and us rookies were left in charge of killing all Titans that attempt to enter the forest. Standing in the tree, the Titans were too preoccupied trying to reach us than to even bother venturing into the forest. Just standing there, playing as unreachable bait was frustrating me with the pointlessness, so to keep from ditching the group and going to look for Eren, I listened in on Jean and Armin's conversation.

"What's the point of us retreating to the forest. What plan could Erwin possibly have?" Jean asked in an irritable manner.

Armin suggested his theory manifested by his genius mind.

"I mean it's the Commander who made this call, so there has to be an reason behind it all. I think the Female Titan is after Eren,that's why she was checking our faces underneath the hoods before attempting to kill us. So she is obviously looking for him. They must be using Eren as bait to lure her in forest. Erwin must know she's a human that can turn into a Titan, so they want to capture her and see who's inside."

And just as Armin's theory was sinking in, blasts that sounded of cannon fire, boomed from deep inside the forest. Afterwards, the forest went silent, but my mind was screaming with all the horrific possibilities of what could've just happened to Eren. What seemed like hours of different scenarios of Eren running through her head, each one getting more dark and deadly, she was brought back to reality by the deafening screams of, most likey the Female Titan.

" _Was the Female Titan captured? Does this mean that Eren's safe? Oh please let him be safe"_

She felt some hope lift her heart, until quick movement she noticed from her peripheral caught her attention. It was the Titans. All the Titans that were slowly gathering at the edge of the forest stampeded towards where the screams originated from. Where Eren is mostly likely at. So without even waiting for orders, she leaped off the branch of the tree, and rushed to be by Eren's side.

Maneuvering through the enormous trees, I hear another deafening scream, no, it's a battle cry, Eren's Titan's battle cry. I hastened my pace finally coming upon the Female Titan and…

" _No. This isn't happening. This isn't right. No.. please.. Somebody.. Anybody.. Help"_

Mikasa's vision was blurred by the tears stinging her eyes as she watched the Female Titan tower over Eren's headless Titan. Mikasa could see his near lifeless body, spent from the fight, protruding from where his Titan's nape would've been, if not had been decapitated. Her blurred eyes were focused on Eren, she never noticed the Female Titan's mouth widening beyond human limitations. Not until her jaw snapped down on Eren's body, her blonde hair falling from her face as she threw her head back, his blood and flesh flying through the air as she ripped him from his Titan and swallowed him whole before running off.

" _W-wait.. Eren.. Don't go."_

Helplessness flooded her heart as she watched the Female Titan run off. But the pain only lasted so long until rage and fury took over her body. She blasted off after the Titan slicing at anything her blades would make contact with. She dodged the Titan's attempts to grab her, dropping down then reattaching to her leg slicing through her calf. All her incisions steamed as she fell to the floor. Then taking my chance, I aimed for her hand that was protecting her nape. Closing in, I swung the blades with all my power, before they shattered upon impact. I head back up, leaning against a tree.

" _Why can't my blades penetrate it?!"_

Her blood was steaming on my face when she looked back at me.

" _He is alive. Eren is alive!"_

I scream to myself as I replace my shattered blades.

" _Wherever you are, I'm going to slaughter this bitch, butcher her body, and get you out of that foul place. I'm sorry Eren, but just hold on a little bit longer."_

I push off the tree, dodging her kick and right as I was about to go at her again, an arm wrapped around my waist, refraining me from my attack. I look up to see who had the fucking audacity to prevent from killing this bitch. My eyes met with cold soulless ones.

The Titan's wounds have healed and she was up and running again. Levi let me go and we stayed at the same pace behind the Female Titan.

"I saw that she bit off the nape." Then looking back at me, Levi asked, "Is he still alive?"

His question threw me and prevented my near retaliation.

"Hai, he's still alive. The Titan possesses intelligence. Her objective being to take Eren away. If she wanted to kill him, she could've easily done so during their fight, but she didn't. Instead she decapitated his Titan then took and swallowed his body whole."

He faced back forward stating "She's tired herself out and can tell her pace has slowed. First we will limit ourselves to one goal. We must forget about killing her and only focus on retrieving Eren. So you distract her, and I'll cut her up.

I sped my way in front of her, trying to catch her attention, but she knew better. She wasn't even looking at me, she was looking behind her, into the eyes of a heartless man. Before I knew it, she swung her fist at him, but he was ready, and so much faster.

He blasted his 3DMG and spun like a hurricane causing disaster wherever his blades touched. He was too fast for her to protect herself, let alone fight back. Levi slashed into the tricep of the arm protecting her nape. The lack of muscle made her arm go limp, falling to her side, leaving her nape vulnerable.

Going against the Captain's orders, I pounced, targeting her nape.

"ACKERMAN WAIT!" I heard the captain yell, but it was too late. I saw her hand coming at me from my right and there was nothing I could do but to accept my death.

The last seconds before impact, I saw Levi launching himself at me, maxing out the last of his gas to reach me. He grabbed me by my waist, narrowly dodging her hand and saving my life. We thought she had missed but she then swatted at his cord, sending us flying in a different direction.

The forest spun around me and a tree kept getting bigger and bigger till I felt my back slam into it, making me spit out blood upon impact. I felt tired, my body broken, my eyes slowly closing. I see someone run up to me. It's the Captain. He kneels down and grabs my face.

"Hey Ackerman! Stay with me okay? Ackerman keep yours eyes open okay? That's a fucking order!"

I hear anger in his voice, but I don't really care anymore. I'm tired. I just want to go to sleep.

I look up at him, to see his cold soulless eyes, except that's not what I saw.

" _What is that in his eyes? Anger? No.. disappointment maybe? No that's not it either. Pain? Fear? Is that it? Do I really see pain and fear in his eyes? Well, I'm too tired. I'm just going to close my eyes.. just for a little bit."_

Right before I succumb to darkness, I hear his voice.

"Please, not you too Mikasa"


	2. Chapter 2

**Disclaimers:**

 **I do not own Shingeki no Kyojin / Attack on Titan**

 **Rated-T: Swearing**

* * *

 **Chapter II**

I hear a distant sound of cracking wood and feel warmth embracing my body. But there was something else I could hear. I heard a steady thud of a heartbeat behind me. It was all so relaxing I wanted to stay there. Stay in this warmth and listen to the heart beating like a lullaby. I wanted to stay here because it's the safest I've felt in such a long time. Even more safe than when Eren came to rescue me.

But the pleasantness of my little sanctuary was ripped from me by the sudden rush of memories when just saying Eren's name in my mind. His blood spraying into the air as the Female Titan decapitated his Titan and tore Eren from his Titan's nape. She took him from me. Then the events after when the Captain and I went after her, how quick he was when he tore through her body. Then my mistake of letting revenge take over, nearly getting me killed. But then he saved me, I was safe because of him. He took me away from death's embrace, but there was a cost. The spinning trees, the blood leaving my body, the Captain and his eyes. The look of pain and fear.

I woke up with a start, then pain searing through my back and stabbing into my skull. Then warm arms wrapped around me and pulled me back near the heartbeat lullaby.

"Shhhh. Not too quick, Mikasa. We don't know the extent of your injuries."

I relax my body, putting the pain to rest. I look in front of me and see the source of the warmth. The fire was crackling, giving off some light, but as I looked at my surroundings, everything was engulfed in darkness. As if reading my mind, he answered my questions.

"After I grabbed you before the Female Titan did, I tried to retreat back into a tree, but the bitch grabbed my wire and we flew off into a different direction. I fell into some bushes, but when I got up, I saw you slouched against a tree. When I ran over you were already losing consciousness. Some Titans were heading our way, so I had to use your 3DMG, because I used the last of mine saving you. I got us up in this tree, but now neither of us have anything left in our tanks."

"Damn, any good news?" I scoffed

"You're still alive."

I was taken by surprised. Suddenly becoming more aware of my surroundings. I tilted my head back to see his eyes looking down at me. Then realizing that I was leaning on him, my body was lit in flames with embarrassment. I quickly tried to get up off him, but my body retaliated, stabbing my back in pain.

"I told you to not be so quick with your movements. You never listen do you?"

"But.. um.. Captain. I'm basically laying on you." Saying it outloud sent even more waves of heat through my body.

"Well atleast you don't seem to have brain damage." he replied mockingly.

The heat of my embarrassment changed to anger at how much of a condescending asshole he was already behaving like.

"You were leaning on me because, since you were unconscious, I didn't know if you were going to toss and turn, not only possibly worsening your injuries, but also the risk of you falling out of the tree. So it was either tying you to the tree with the 3DMG cord, or…" he trailed off, also realizing the embarrassment of saying it outloud ".. or.. Umm.. or me holding you and keeping you safe."

I was stunned by his showing of emotion. I guess he really is human. I slowly pushed myself off of him, reluctant to leave his warmth and safety, but knowing it was better to do so. I was just another one of his soldiers to command, not a patient or loved one he needed to care for.

"Thank you, Captain" I said quietly as I sat up and faced him. Keeping my head down.

"You're welcome, Mikasa"

" _Mikasa..? Did he really just call me by my first name? Maybe I do have brain damage."_

I looked up in confusion, his eyes then meeting mine. They were steel grey, with no life in them. As if looking into a dead man's eyes.

" _Wait.. there was something there, a small spark deep inside.. if I could just look a little closer…"_

Being so deep in trance from staring into his eyes, I never noticed that I was slowly leaning in till I was only a few inches from his face. I swallowed, my body tensing up before retreating.

But as I was putting distance between us, he grabbed the back of my head and pulled me in. Our lips met and I melted under his kiss. Instinctively, I wrapped my arms around his neck and his around my waist as he pulled me in closer. Our tongues battled it out as the flames within us merged. I held onto him like it was the last thing in this world, and I never wanted to let him go.

He pulled away, breaking our kiss, his eyes widened at what he had just done.

"I- I'm sorry I shouldn't have done that.. I just.. I don't know anymore." he said with his head down. "I've already have lost too much and I'm not willing to lose anymore."

" _I've never seen him like this, I don't think anybody has; but at the same time, I also think nobody has lost as much as he has either."_

"It's okay.." I said hesitantly, carefully searching for the right words. "It's okay to feel alone and broken. To feel pain and fear."

And as I said those words, he picked up his head, his eyes filled with emotion.

Startling me, he spoke harshly "I'm trusting you, Ackerman, not to say shit if we live."

And although it was a command, his eyes were pleading.

"Yes sir!" I responded mockingly with a salute. But still with my left fist behind and the right fist over my heart.

* * *

Besides the cicadas singing in the night, the wind rustling the leaves, and the last of the fire crackling weakly, all was uncomfortably silent. I nor Levi had spoken a word for what felt like a lifetime.

I shivered, goosebumps covering my body, from the cold wind. The fire was dying and the cold darkness was closing in. Levi stood up and started walking away.

"Wait! Where are you going?!" I asked him as he was disappearing into the darkness.

"Don't worry I'll be back" he called out. But that wasn't a good enough answer for me.

I tried to stand up, but my legs retaliated. I was able to get one leg to cooperate but the other absolutely refused, which left me in a kneeling position.

" _What the fuck I can't even stand? Fuck that, come on body!"_

After struggling for my muscles to cooperate for about five minutes, I was on my feet. I straightened up and that's when my injury hit me once again. Searing pain ran up my back, blurring my vision and making me light headed. I felt my body go limp as gravity took its toll. But before I landed, I was caught.

"For fuck's sake, I can't even leave you alone for a few minutes?" he said as he sat me down. He walked to his side of the fire and started feeding it with kindling that he had gone to gather.

"You know you could've just told me you were going to get some sticks" I said while waiting for my eyes to focus.

"And you could've just stayed here patiently and trusted that I'd come back" he replied with attitude.

" _Tsk..Trust him? Yeah right"_ my thoughts paused for a moment thinking of anything that made him untrustworthy, but I couldn't _. "Well I guess he hasn't done anything to make me not trust him. He's probably the most trustworthy person I know. But wait.. Eren is supposed to be first, always."_

I thought to myself, recalling my memories of Eren, desperately searching for a moment of trust.. but I couldn't. He had always put the extermination of Titans before me. Always.

"Hey, Mikasa?" he said trying to get my attention "No sassy remark? Have you finally ran out of your infinite amount of attitude?"

I scoffed "You'll never be so lucky"

He smirked at my response and turned his attention to the fire.

We both fell into silence once more, watching the flames dance. My body shook with a shiver, and I tried to wrap my caped uniform tighter around my cold body. Levi looked up and frowned at me shivering.

"Tsk. You're pathetic" he said as he stood up and walking around the fire and in my direction.

"F-f-fuck you L-levi" I said shivering uncontrollably, watching him walk behind me a sitting down.

"Mhm sure.." he said mockingly as he straddled his legs. I glared at him, but he wasn't phased by it. "Are you gonna scoot over here or freeze to death? We still got hours before the sunrise so you can either suffer with your stubborn ass or suck it up and come here."

I thought for a moment, still wanting to hold my own, but I fucking hate the cold. "Y-you come here, it h-h-hurts when I m-move." I said giving in.

He smirked "You're such a baby, Ackerman" he said as he scooted over, wrapping me in his warm arms.

I never knew such a simple embrace could make me feel like bliss. I leaned back, allowing my body to melt into his, hearing his heartbeat softly.

"H-how come you're not c-cold?" I asked with honest curiosity, looking up at him.

"Hmm" he paused looking for an answer himself "I suppose it's because with everything I've seen and everyone that I have lost, I prefer not to feel than to let my emotions kill me." "But…" he paused.

Impatient for him to finish my sentence "B-but what?" he looked down at me with his steel grey eyes. He continued with his sentence "But you've been making me feel things again"

I blushed and whipped my head and settled my gaze on the fire so he couldn't see my cheeks.

"I already saw that Mikasa"

"I d-don't know what the f-f-fuck you're talking ab-bout. It's c-cold as fuck that's w-why my cheeks are r-r-ed, o-okay? T-t-that's all" I said defensively.

"Mhm.. sure.. Whatever you say." he said lightly laugh "Just relax and go to sleep."

Although completely frustrated that I could't even control my voice and especially not wanting to do anything he tells me to do, the cold was too sedating for me to refuse. So I succumbed to his warmth and fell asleep to his heartbeat lullaby.

* * *

So I'm just now noticing that the first chapter was 3rd person POV and this one is Mikasa's POV, so for all the OCD people (me also being one) I know the inconsistency is frustrating, but I'm sorry I'm just too lazy to change it. I'm also sorry that Levi is so OOC, I'm just trying to keep a smooth pace with the story, without dragging it along and boring you with a slow transition of his character, which would need 2 or 3 detailed chapters for Levi to show more emotion, because well, it's Levi. Anyways let me know what you think. Oh and also the next Chapter is going to be Rated-M, just to let you know.


End file.
